I watched as my son wiped watermelon juice from the blade of his knife on the front of his jeans then shove it in his pocket. I wasn't paying attention, this is a movement every farmer or rancher does dozens of times a day—maybe not with melon juice, but after cutting through a grease tube, slicing through a hydraulic hose, or peeling a cucumber. It's just second nature. Wipe the blade. Close up the knife. Slide it back in your pocket. What made the motion memorable this time, was the man we were standing next to at the farmer's market. “You might be a farmer...if you use the same knife to castrate bulls as you do to cut up your watermelon!” he laughed and pointed. Yep. That's the truth of it right there. The next week, that same man came back to the market holding three sheets of paper. “I kept thinking about that knife, last week,” he laughed, “and I wrote down some farmer jokes I thought you might like.” I folded them up and shoved them in my pocket—along with my knife. Later that evening I read them to my family. They sure had us pegged. Here are some of our favorites and a few that we added: You might be a farmer...if your dog spends more time each week riding in your truck than your spouse does. You might be a farmer...if you've ever had to wash off your boots with a garden hose, or strip down to your skivvies outside because you were covered with too much mud, manure or both to go in the house. You might be a farmer...if the 5 gallon buckets the hydraulic oil comes in, are almost as valuable as the actual oil...and you've never thrown one away that wasn't busted. You might be a farmer...if you've ever used baler twine to attach a license plate, patch a fence, or tie a Christmas tree to the roof of a car. You might be a farmer...if you can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields of the fields you have leased over the last three years, but you can't remember your kids' birthdays. You might be a farmer...if you've driven off the road rubbernecking your neighbor's cows or crops. You might be a farmer...if you've ever used electrical tape and shop towels to bandage bleeding hands. You might be a farmer...if you refer to the land using the names of the farmer's who owned them a generation ago. You might be a farmer...if the equipment parked under your barn/ shop is 10 times more valuable that what is parked in your garage. You might be a farmer...if buying new clothes and boots, means your church clothes can now be used for work. You might be a farmer...if you have more hats that your wife has shoes. You might be a farmer...if you ever had to pull off the highway, because stuff started flying off your dusty, cluttered dashboard, because the windows were rolled down. You might be a farmer...if family picnics are most commonly shared on the tailgate of a pickup during planting and harvest seasons. You might be a farmer...if using an elevator relates to grain harvest and not a tall city building. You might be a farmer...if regular conversation involves rainfall, equipment repairs, hybrids, and ergots. You might be a farmer...if spending time alone with your wife in the evening means she is holding the flashlight while you fix something. *You might be a farmer...if you won a million dollars, and you keep right on farming—maybe with newer equipment, more land and a fancier pocketknife. It's just what we do. It's who we are. We are definitely farmers! So next time you wipe off that knife and slide it back into your pocket, take a moment to be proud your a part of a community that can make anything work with a little baler twine, duck tape, elbow grease—and of course a good knife!
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